Life's a juggling act!

Helloha People!

Life has been kinda crazy lately. There has been so much going on as usual, but I did it to myself. I really enjoy being busy and stressed for some reason. It keeps me from being bored. Thank goodness I have good friends in my life. My dream of being a wedding planner is starting to become more of a vision and an actuality. Since I started taking the wedding planning course at KCC I have learned so much and really found my niche. Not to mention that my teacher is AWESOME. If you ever need a wedding planner in Hawaii and don't know who to use check out Weddings by Grace and Mona. The only thing about my wedding business is that I dont have a name yet. Gotta keep brainstorming. The plan is to start an online consulting business while I am teaching in Korea so when I come back I will have some sort of following, hopefully it all works out.

Aside from working on starting my business and doing homework I have been super busy with GiRL FeST GiRL FeST. Lets just say I LOVE GiRL FeST! The mission of this non-profit organization is to prevent violence against women and girls through education and art. Every November we have an annual multimedia festival that is filled with all kinds of exciting speakers, workshops, activities, concerts, music, poetry, spoken word, and the list could go on and on. I have been blessed with the opportunity to have people stay with me during the festival last year and this year. Last year spoken word artist Kelly Zen-Yie Tsai stayed with me and this year comedian Ali Wong is staying with me. It is such a fun time to be able to network with everyone and meet all of the great participants and attendees! The festival starts on Friday, Nov 6 and goes through Saturday, Nov. 14. So excited!!!!!!!

For now,

Peace out

I'm Back!

Whats up people? Sorry for the short disappearance, I got consumed with life and all the junk within it. There is so much garbage going on these days I can feel it eating away at me. I would absolutely love to go on a few random tangents and bursts of anger, but i will save you from that. As many of you know I suffer from depression, which is a vicious cycle that comes and goes when it pleases and when things trigger it. I recently nominated my friend, Kathy Xian, for Glamour Woman of the Year, but when I told the editor my story, somewhere in the communication chain, things got jumbled. I had no clue that parts of my story would be online for people to see, but they are, which kind of makes me feel anxious as not a lot of people know what my past involves. If you are interested you are more than welcome to ask or even check out the short blurb on www.glamour.com. One way that I deal with my emotions and the pain that I feel inside is through poetry, so I thought I would leave you with one. Please note that my poetry is written in the moment, which is usually my dark, angry, sad place. I am okay, you dont need to worry, but they are a peek into my heart.

I call this one

Flash Back
Flash Back
Flashing before my eyes I see Images of so many times of my life
Emotions swirling together
to form what I like to call
MEmotions
As one particular image floats by my screen
Instantly
I feel anger rise up inside me
like a volcano getting ready to erupt
I could explode and spew my MEmotions all over you,
but I hold back and let that image of a helpless girl lying on the floor
float by...
Its to much to handle right now
Flashback
One by one the images float across my screen
Look mommy I found a worm
Wanna watch me eat it
I quickly wipe that one away only to find one laying there
Trying to hide...Just like me
Fearing the crack of my dad's belt on my rear end
I shove Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham down my pants
Whack,
a slight giggle escapes my fear filled mouth and...
Flashback
A screen of crimson red sits in front of me
Slowly but surely the cracks open up
and the nasty, gooey puss called life begins to seep out.
Honestly
This, isnt healthy
but this razor slicing against my skin sure does feel good.
I can feel the ears forming droplet after droplet in my eyes
Thats ENOUGH of that
Flash back
Still images and short clips of life and MEmotions continue to scroll across my screen
I sit
Searching them all,
but all that is left is a distorted image of
love, death, rape, depression, suicide, failure, inadequacy, and much more
that has plagued my life
I dream of the day when this
can happen
Flash Back
I can see
Love.
Peace.
Happiness.

Much Mahalos to you all!
Steph

I need a vacation!

So for those of you that talk to me on a regular basis, you know I am super busy ALL the time. This week has been very frustrating because school started back where I work and it feels like the kids this year are crazy. I dont know what is up with this next generation, but they are rather greedy kids and I cant stand it. Needless to say I am SOOOOOOOOOO glad that welcome week is over. That is my last welcome week thank goodness. Everything is a last this year for me, so I will try my best to suppress my anger and frustration.

This weekend was supposed to be a me weekend where I relax and recuperate, but it doesnt seem to be working. I cannot figure out how to relax completely. My mind is racing and I keep thinking about everything that is going on. No matter how much I pray, journal, turn off my electronics and what not nothing stops it. There is a lot going on emotionally, with the family, and life in general. I would really love to just go on vacation and get away from this place for a while to refresh my mind and get a better sense of myself. Its been quite some time since I have been relaxed and enjoyed being here.

I could scream for days!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for reading my ranting and raving, sorry I put you through this.

Check back later, maybe I will have a better post.

Ugh!

Whats up people? Im back from my short disappearance from blog world. Things have been rather crazy if you ask me since the last time I posted. There has been so much going on from Girl Fest meetings to prepping for Welcome Week and working Orientation Week. I've met quite a few new people, had to step out of my comfort zone and make conversation, get frustrated, been pissed off, and much more, but I will spare you the few boring minutes and stop venting. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Just needed a quick scream. Since orientation week I have been going non stop. This weekend I did a wedding with my friends company JB Designs and it was a lot of fun, but VERY tiring and a lot of work. We worked from Friday night until early Saturday morning and then mid Saturday morning until 6am Sunday morning and then until 5:15pm on Sunday. The majority of things went as planned, but a few things as usual didnt like being locked out of the work room at the hotel so we couldnt get the ring bearers box, thank goodness the bride was in a good mood, overwhelmed, and thankful at how beautiful we made the church look for the ceremony. They got to take pictures with it back at the hotel afterwards. You know you made a bride happy when she cries at the sight of the crazy centerpieces and stuff that we made. (see the pictures) There were 480 guests at the reception. It was good fun, but a lot of work. Now just to survive the first week of school at HPU and then its time for rest.

Here it comes :/

It's Orientation Week at HPU and the summer is now a thing of the past. Students are beginning to hustle and bustle around campus from buying their textbooks, paying tuition, registering or changing class schedules, moving into the dorms and much much more. There are nervous parents stirring around campus wanting to do things for their kids, when the students just want to tell them to Shut Up. Yet the students know they will only be with their parents for a few more days, so they allow the annoying, helicopter parents to be. Its a funny sight and brings me back to my days as a college freshman. None the less I am ready well not ready for the craziness, but to get this semester started.

The craziness of non stop, late night, early morning workdays has begun. This week consists of all the orientation activities, BBK, and a wedding. Just gotta hang in there for the next week and a half and then I can attempt to get some rest.

This is my last semester at HPU, I am sad to be leaving all my wonderful co-workers, but it is my time and is worth it. I am moving to South Korea to be an English Language instructor.

With all the craziness, I will still try to write.

Allergies Suck

So the last few days have been jam packed with all kinds of things happening at work. Preparations for New Student Orientation and the Fall 2009 Semester have consumed my life on top of the other things I am doing outside of work. I love being busy, but am super duper exhausted, but finally today I am resting.

Last night I attended the PASS (Pacific Alliance to Stop Slavery, www.traffickjamming.org) called Emancipation. I had been up since 5am and was not fully energized as a result of that, but managed to stick around for a little bit and check it out. The venue, Manifest, which is an awesome spot had 2 drink specials which supported PASS, one being a Pama-Granite Orange Martini and the other being a Mango-Pama Mohito. As most of you know I am VERY allergic to Mangos, so I obviously only tried the martini. My guess is that the shakers were not cleaned with soap and water in between making the drinks so there was some some mango residue passed onto my martini, which affected me. I noticed myself getting tired much faster than I thought and I could feel my eyes swelling and my throat itching. I decided to go home early and by the time i was home, my throat had started to swell. Immediately I had to choose, emergency room, or mix Benedryl with alcohol. I chose the latter, took a shower, and knocked out. I dont blame anyone, and actually really loved the martini, if only my allergy to mangos wasnt so severe it would have been awesome.

You should check out Manifest on Hotel st in downtown Honolulu. Its a cafe during the day and cafe/bar at night. The artwork, owners, bartenders, and crowd are all amazing.

Yesterday was a long, busy, and eventful day. I am alive, thanks to my friend Benedryl!

Frustrated

Overwhelmed and frustrated!

You ever have a feeling that you just cant get rid of? Well I do and have had it for the last couple of weeks. Off and on throughout the day I feel so frustrated. Its like I have little time bombs ticking inside of me waiting to expolde and one by one throughout the day I feel the boom of intense emotion explosion. Sometimes they make me want to cry and scream and other times I just feel so frustrated and angry. The only thing that I want to do is relax,but how can I do that when I cant even figure out what my deal is.

Thanks to those of you who have been open to eating all the random foods I have been cooking and baking. If you know me, cooking and baking are two of my biggest passions and two of the few things that really help me to escape. If you want something special and dont have the time to cook it yourself, just buy the ingredients or give me some cash I will do it for you.

Once again very random, but hope you enjoyed reading this.

Overwhelmed and frustrated!

Its a new season in life

So a lot has happened this year that not many people experience on a regular basis. Most of these things have been very trying and emotionally weighing on my mind, body, and soul, but I am staying strong, trusting God and pushing through. Just as I am finally feeling like I have a place and "Family" in Hawaii I threw in a curve ball by taking a job as an English Language Instructor in South Korea starting in February 2010. From the start of this year I knew things were gonna be very different. It was the start of a year as a young professional, no longer a college student, responsible for my own life and well being. Just as soon as I could blink my eyes the balls of fire, pain, anger, death, and whatever else began to hit me in the face.

Towards the end of January I began to realize that my Aunt Tomie wasn't getting any better. Her fight with cancer was taking the best of her and she was slowly slipping away from us. I tried so hard to build up the strength to handle it, but never could stay strong when I spoke to her or saw her in person. It was February 2009 that I had the chance to stop by Dallas on my way home from a conference for work in Nashville, where I made a point to sit and talk with Aunt Tomie every day that I was there. During those precious moments I knew that would be the last time I would see her alive. Though the thought of not having her around in the physical world ripped, clawed, and tore my heart to pieces, I managed to keep it together not only for her, but also for my grandma. Though they fought all the time I loved watching the dynamic between the two. I miss her funny jokes, crude remarks, and hysterical laughing in the midst of seriousness. She always told me that I was such a good person and was so thankful that I made it a point to come see her all the way from Hawaii. Aunt Tomie and I loved each other to the core and had some great times together learning to cook, sew, speak japanese, and especially playing pachinko. This Friday will be Aunt Tomie's birthday, its a hard one because this is the first one without her around. To celebrate I will listen to Elvis, her favorite, and eat some yummy Mochi. I know she hangs around me still, but I miss her presence.

All I have to say is Cancer is an ugly beast!

I have been to more funerals this year than most have been to in a lifetime. This better change, because its dragging me down. Thank goodness for the friends and family that I have surrounding me.

I know this blog was quite random, but I needed to get my thoughts on this stuff out. Dont worry they wont all be like this.