I'm Back!

Whats up people? Sorry for the short disappearance, I got consumed with life and all the junk within it. There is so much garbage going on these days I can feel it eating away at me. I would absolutely love to go on a few random tangents and bursts of anger, but i will save you from that. As many of you know I suffer from depression, which is a vicious cycle that comes and goes when it pleases and when things trigger it. I recently nominated my friend, Kathy Xian, for Glamour Woman of the Year, but when I told the editor my story, somewhere in the communication chain, things got jumbled. I had no clue that parts of my story would be online for people to see, but they are, which kind of makes me feel anxious as not a lot of people know what my past involves. If you are interested you are more than welcome to ask or even check out the short blurb on www.glamour.com. One way that I deal with my emotions and the pain that I feel inside is through poetry, so I thought I would leave you with one. Please note that my poetry is written in the moment, which is usually my dark, angry, sad place. I am okay, you dont need to worry, but they are a peek into my heart.

I call this one

Flash Back
Flash Back
Flashing before my eyes I see Images of so many times of my life
Emotions swirling together
to form what I like to call
MEmotions
As one particular image floats by my screen
Instantly
I feel anger rise up inside me
like a volcano getting ready to erupt
I could explode and spew my MEmotions all over you,
but I hold back and let that image of a helpless girl lying on the floor
float by...
Its to much to handle right now
Flashback
One by one the images float across my screen
Look mommy I found a worm
Wanna watch me eat it
I quickly wipe that one away only to find one laying there
Trying to hide...Just like me
Fearing the crack of my dad's belt on my rear end
I shove Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham down my pants
Whack,
a slight giggle escapes my fear filled mouth and...
Flashback
A screen of crimson red sits in front of me
Slowly but surely the cracks open up
and the nasty, gooey puss called life begins to seep out.
Honestly
This, isnt healthy
but this razor slicing against my skin sure does feel good.
I can feel the ears forming droplet after droplet in my eyes
Thats ENOUGH of that
Flash back
Still images and short clips of life and MEmotions continue to scroll across my screen
I sit
Searching them all,
but all that is left is a distorted image of
love, death, rape, depression, suicide, failure, inadequacy, and much more
that has plagued my life
I dream of the day when this
can happen
Flash Back
I can see
Love.
Peace.
Happiness.

Much Mahalos to you all!
Steph